Rules to Live By, Vol. 1

Sometimes people simply need to be told, and I’m gonna tell ya.  I’m probably going to have to tell some people that these points are self-explanatory, so here we go…

1. When a stranger or casual acquaintance asks, “How are you?”, they’re not actually expecting an answer.  (Unless you’re like me when I’m in a mood, and I do answer… in great detail.)
2. Don’t say, “Ewwww!”, in response to what someone else is eating.
3. When talking with someone on the phone, don’t talk to someone else in the room.
4. When visiting someone for a meal, offer to help clean up.  If they decline, offer once more.  If they still decline, drop it!
5. Don’t take the urinal next to an already occupied urinal, unless no others are available.  This is simple unwritten ‘urinal etiquette’.
6. When someone else is buying a meal, don’t order the most expensive item.  Try and have them order first, then follow along in the same or lesser price range.  If they insist you order first, pick something somewhere from the cheapest to roughly mid-price.
7. Always hold the door open for the person behind you, male or female is irrelevant.  Say ‘thank you’ when it is done for you.
8. Middle names are for use only by mothers when you’re in trouble.
9. Don’t ask shy or introverted people, “What’s wrong?”, or otherwise bring attention to their quietness.  It only makes them even more self-conscious.
10. Never… ever… makes plans in front of people you’re not involving.
11. Close your mouth while chewing/eating.
12. In the grocery store, when you change your mind about an item, put it back where it properly goes.  Especially do NOT abandon frozen or refrigerated items at random.
13. If you borrow someone’s car, before you return it fill up the gas tank, and clean out trash (even if not yours).
14. Don’t let your dog jump on people.  (There is an understandable training period to this.)
15. Praise publicly and often.
16. Don’t talk to people while wearing sunglasses.  It’s rude.
17. Don’t expect someone’s else’s food to get cold just because you haven’t been served yet.
18. Don’t answer someone’s thoughtful email with just, “k”.
19. Don’t stop in the middle of a busy sidewalk or aisle.
20. Don’t read every word in your PowerPoint presentation.
21. Don’t expect someone to not talk about the hot new movie a month after its release.  You get one week of consideration, that’s it.
22. Don’t bring toddlers to movie theaters or loud concerts.
23. Knock before entering your kid’s bedroom.
24. Compliments on people’s appearance is fine, just once, though, and don’t overdo it.
25. The customer is not always right.  It’s ok to tell some people to just get the eff out.  (Remember, the theme of this post is that some people need to be told.  🙂 )

You know there’s going to be a Vol. 2.  😉