“Internet Disease”: Lying for Reasons Unknown

Half the people on the internet are lying at any given moment. I am convinced of this, based on observations and correlations over many years. Now, I don’t know which half, and it’s probably safe to say that the lying half fluctuates from topic to topic, in other words it’s not always the same people, but the ratio still remains at roughly half being liars.

And what they lie about is stuff that is so inconsequential that it doesn’t matter. Nothing in the world will change based on their lie. It’s all to boost their ego, or save face so others won’t think lowly of them (which might suggest low-self-esteem, but that’s another topic for another post… and blog).

I have named this phenomena “Internet Disease”. Let’s take a look at some examples, shall we? If one were to believe everyone on the internet at face value…

-…McDonald’s would be out of business, because no one ever eats there. The food sucks, they say. Many question if it’s food at all. The old, long debunked, rumors… what’s in the meat, etc… keep getting spread around as if they’re true. I think many people want to believe they are.

-…Walmart would be out of business, too, because no one would ever be caught dead in that place. They don’t come right out and say it, but the class of people who do shop at Walmart… which apparently don’t have internet because we never hear from ‘those people’… are literally beneath them. The funny part is that many of these people readily admit that they shop at Target… which is just Walmart with a different color scheme and slightly higher prices.  Status costs extra, ya know.

-…the BBC would be the only news source for the entire world. The rest would be out of business due to lack of viewers, readers, and listeners. Ask people on the internet and the standard answer is the BBC. Maybe a few stragglers will admit to NPR, if American guilt hasn’t completely consumed them, but it’s clear that all the informed people use the BBC, and they want you to know it.

-…chain restaurants, in general, are always empty, bereft of customers. Chain food is unworthy. Really, restaurant food, in general, is questionable, and is to be consumed only in dire emergency, but if one must eat out then the obvious choice is the “mom-and-pop” restaurant. <cue harps from heaven> Mom-and-Pops are full of people. Which I guess explains why mom-and-pops are thriving and chains are closing and going the way of the Automat. Oh, wait…

-…relating to the last point, no, we all eat at home almost exclusively. Why? Because we all have all the time in the world and use only the finest ingredients. A regular Galloping Gourmet we all are.  Margarine? Pshaw! Surely you jest, only real butter. Preferably hand-churned by silk-haired virgins who were sacrificed to a volcano immediately after to preserve the uniqueness of this butter. And only the best olive oil is used, pressed between the bosoms of lusty Italian widows. And we all have a special butcher who saves all the best cuts just for us, and will even deliver on Christmas morning if we get a hankerin’ for some extra-lean goat brains. We also have Juan Valdez climbing the peaks of Colombia on his hands and knees to pick coffee beans with his teeth so they can be shipped fresh to our door every morning. That’s right, we will tolerate only the best!

Now, granted, some people do do some of these things, but I call BS that all that claim to do so actually do do so.  (Was that awkward wording, or what?  lol)  And in the interest of full disclosure, I even have my things. For example, we recently stopped buying margarine entirely and now use only real butter, but we buy it from Walmart… and the Walmart house brand, no less. I often seek out mom-and-pop restaurants when I’m traveling, as sometimes you discover some truly great food and you experience the local culture, but there are times that I crave a Denny’s or a Wendy’s hamburger, as well. There’s nothing wrong with any of that.

To paraphrase Dave Ramsey, “We go to great lengths to claim an air of sophistication we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” The whole thing is absurd.