Rules to Live By, Vol. 1

Sometimes people simply need to be told, and I’m gonna tell ya.  I’m probably going to have to tell some people that these points are self-explanatory, so here we go…

  1. When a stranger or casual acquaintance asks, “How are you?”, they’re not actually expecting an answer.  (Unless you’re like me when I’m in a mood, and I do answer… in great detail.)
  2. Don’t say, “Ewwww!”, in response to what someone else is eating.
  3. When talking with someone on the phone, don’t talk to someone else in the room.
  4. When visiting someone for a meal, offer to help clean up.  If they decline, offer once more.  If they still decline, drop it!
  5. Don’t take the urinal next to an already occupied urinal, unless no others are available.  This is simple unwritten ‘urinal etiquette’.
  6. When someone else is buying a meal, don’t order the most expensive item.  Try and have them order first, then follow along in the same or lesser price range.  If they insist you order first, pick something somewhere from the cheapest to roughly mid-price.
  7. Always hold the door open for the person behind you, male or female is irrelevant.  Say ‘thank you’ when it is done for you.
  8. Middle names are for use only by mothers when you’re in trouble.
  9. Don’t ask shy or introverted people, “What’s wrong?”, or otherwise bring attention to their quietness.  It only makes them even more self-conscious.
  10. Never… ever… makes plans in front of people you’re not involving.
  11. Close your mouth while chewing/eating.
  12. In the grocery store, when you change your mind about an item, put it back where it properly goes.  Especially do NOT abandon frozen or refrigerated items at random.
  13. If you borrow someone’s car, before you return it fill up the gas tank, and clean out trash (even if not yours).
  14. Don’t let your dog jump on people.  (There is an understandable training period to this.)
  15. Praise publicly and often.
  16. Don’t talk to people while wearing sunglasses.  It’s rude.
  17. Don’t expect someone’s else’s food to get cold just because you haven’t been served yet.
  18. Don’t answer someone’s thoughtful email with just, “k”.
  19. Don’t stop in the middle of a busy sidewalk or aisle.
  20. Don’t read every word in your PowerPoint presentation.
  21. Don’t expect someone to not talk about the hot new movie a month after its release.  You get one week of consideration, that’s it.
  22. Don’t bring toddlers to movie theaters or loud concerts.
  23. Knock before entering your kid’s bedroom.
  24. Compliments on people’s appearance is fine, just once, though, and don’t overdo it.
  25. The customer is not always right.  It’s ok to tell some people to just get the eff out.  (Remember, the theme of this post is that some people need to be told.  🙂 )

You know there’s going to be a Vol. 2.  😉

Three Superpowers I Need

Life would be enhanced if I could have superpowers.  We all want superpowers, don’t we?  I mean, who wouldn’t?  My life would be greatly enhanced with superpowers.  Now, I could go for things like enact world peace, or cure cancer, or some other selfless act, but where’s the fun in that?  No, I want “revenge superpowers”.

This does preclude something like the ability to see through clothing.  I think Superman had that one, but I forget.  That has a certain… provocative allure to it.  There would be downsides, though.  You’d have to be able to pick and choose whose clothes you were ignoring.  Don’t want to see just anybody.  Plus, looking through clothing you wouldn’t be seeing people in their perfection.  The clothes would still be there, so you’d be seeing their body all stuffed in and wrinkled and unnaturally pushed here and there, not unlike a homemade sausage.  And do you really want to see the entire muffin along with the muffin top?  I’m sorry, but that doesn’t sound as appealing as one might think.

Presuming the genie would give me only three superpowers, here’s what I’d choose…

The ability to have the entire road pull over to the side while I drive where I want to, unhindered.  Readers of The Grump know that other drivers is a pet-peeve of mine.  This is numero uno.  People just need to get out of my way.  This includes police and ambulances and fire trucks.  Now, in my own magnanimous way, my superpower would include the ability to heal whoever is being transported by the ambulance, or reverse the fire the fire truck is going to.  The Grump just wants people out of his way, he doesn’t want to be a jerk about it.

The ability to disable all cell phones within a 150 foot radius of me at concerts.  The Grumpess and I went to see Alice Cooper a couple nights ago.  Truly an awesome show.  We had great seats.  The man may be 70 years old, but he can still bring it!  He even played one of my favorite songs from a semi-obscure album from 1980 that he hadn’t played live since 1982 until this leg of this tour.  It was a perfect night… except for the lady in front of me that kept raising her phone in the air, in my direct line of sight, throughout the show.  And for what, some crappy photos and videos that she will probably forget about after next week.  It was rude!  I was tempted to knock on her head and tell her to stop, but an arrest for starting a riot wasn’t exactly in The Grump’s best interests.  So now, I want the ability to disable ALL cell phones around me so that I can enjoy the show.  I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all.

The ability to remember where I put my keys, and my wallet, and my glasses… all the time.  For anyone who is getting up there in age, this is self-explanatory.  What’s that you say?  I should just designate a place and always put them there?  Bless yer heart.

There ya go.

Tipping: Part 2

It’s been roughly six months since installment number one, but here we go.  As always, since so many people have the impressive ability to take a moderate statement and see only the most extreme (and incorrect) interpretation, let me reiterate that I have no issue with the concept of tipping… in general.  Leaving something extra for people for providing good service is a good thing.  That being said, tipping has gone too far.  It’s no longer viewed as an earned reward, it’s viewed as an entitlement… to the point that many people admit to giving a pre-emptive tip just so they won’t get screwed… even in occupations that aren’t legally paid less than minimum wage.  With that being said, let’s cover a couple more subtopics…

Tip Jars:  😐  Really, who thought this up?  Worse yet, why do so many people fall for it?  I suspect this may be one of those subjects that most people will claim they never do it, like shopping at Walmart or eating at McDonald’s, yet just as those businesses are hugely successful (somebody’s shopping/eating there!), you see tip jars almost always full.  And there’s a social peer pressure in tipping, especially if the tip is somehow going to be known to people around you.  Almost being held hostage for your change, or a public shaming, if you will.

I think the worst example of a tip jar that I have ever seen is one on a shelf outside a fast food drive-thru window.

Nothing is absolute, I get that, and there are a few situations where a tip jar is totally legit.  A piano player in a bar, for example.  That’s a simple matter of practicality, the player’s hands are busy and you don’t want loose bills falling to the floor getting scattered around.  But the idea has grown absurdly since the smoke-filled piano bars of the 1960s.  Now tip jars are ubiquitous.  They’re everywhere.  Go to Dairy Queen for a cone?  There’s a tip jar.  Pick up your dry cleaning?  There’s a tip jar.  Grab a soda… 100% self serve, no less… at the local convenience store?  Damn, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting another tip jar.

Tip jars are essentially a passive form of begging.  Somebody has to take a stand, and I guess it’s me.

Tip sharing:  Let me be up front, I have never worked as a server.  I have never worked a job that depended on tips.  But, I do have a lot of restaurant experience from my younger days and casually chatted often with servers, and I was married to someone who labeled herself a “professional server”, and *our* income was tip dependent to some degree.

That being said, I am not a fan of tip sharing, where the server “tips out” other employees.  The other employees are certainly important to the success of the operation, but in most states they also get minimum wage where the servers do not.  I’ve seen places where the servers were expected to tip out the bartenders for drinks, as the bartender was crucial to the server’s success was the reasoning, but the bartender was not expected to tip out the server for people who ate at the bar and the server had to deliver the food.  How is that fair?

Plus, it’s really not fair to me as the customer.  The server is the face of the transaction, the person I dealt with and the person who made the impression that influenced how much I tip.  That’s the person I’m tipping.  Furthering this concept, there’s a national steakhouse chain where you get a server who takes your order and gets your initial drinks, then other people actually serve your food (usually having no idea who gets what, I still don’t understand this).  Other people get drink refills here and there.  You never see your server again until it’s time to deliver the check and pitch dessert.  Who am I tipping?

Bottom line:  I want my tip money to go to the person I think it should go to, and I don’t feel unreasonable in expecting it to be for something more than the basic job description.

Eggses…

Restaurants… breakfast food… conditioning.  And that’s what it really is is conditioning.  There’s no other logical reasoning.  Pro-tip for restaurants:  Not everybody likes eggs.

  • Go to McDonald’s (or almost any fast food restaurant) and almost all options include eggs of some sort.  McDonald’s even recently rolled out all-day breakfasts.  Why is it so hard to to have a burger option or two for the rest of us?  Doesn’t have to be the entire menu, but a couple basic options would be appreciated.
  • Go to almost any sit-down restaurant and pretty much every combo option involving pancakes or french toast also includes eggs.  And this is one area where they are loathe to consider substitutions.  Sure, I can order ala carte, but then I’m paying inordinately more for my meal.

Eggses, by themselves, are nasty!  The notion of cutting up a lone fried egg and eating it alone is nauseating to me.  Scrambled eggs, by themselves, need to be covered in ketchup… which says all that needs to be said regarding them.  Now, I’m not wholly anti-egg.  I will eat them in certain scenarios…

  • Omelettes:  Eggs in the form of an omelette are quite tasty.  Being combined with the other ingredients is what makes an omelette tasty.
  • Over-easy eggs mixed in with harsh brown potatoes:  Not “American fries”, but hash browns.  Put the over-easy eggs on top, and cut them up and mix them in.  (Mix in some link sausage, too, and it makes a nice meal.)  This is something my Dad learned in the Air Force in the 1950s, and was something he taught my sister and myself, and is the only way that I actually like over-easy eggs.  The whites must be trimmed away as much as possible, too.  Egg whites are tasteless.
  • Hard-fried egg sandwich:  This is kind of an exception.  A hard fried egg on toast.  With or without meat and cheese, depending on my mood.  Mayo is required.  Usually salt, too.  A scrambled egg makes a mice sandwich, too… no ketchup necessary.
  • Over-easy cut up on toast:  About once a year.
  • Oh, and poached as part of an Eggs Benedict is a nice change of pace, as well.  (A local restaurant here that I like stopped making poached and tries to pass off scrambled for Eggs Benedict.  Blasphemy!)

Those are about the only way I will do eggs.  Hard boiled/Deviled Eggs?  *Gag!!!*  Raw in a ‘healthy’ drink?  Do you really want to clean your shoes?  My list of what is acceptable doesn’t seem so bad, but if you have caught the common theme so far is that they must be “doctored” to some degree, and/or combined with something else, to be palatable.

Bottom line:  People only eat “breakfast foods” at breakfast because they’ve been conditioned to do so.  Someone told them that’s the way it’s supposed to be as a kid, and like a good little soldier fell into line and repeated that mantra for the rest of their life.  A good burger for breakfast is perfectly fine, quite tasty in fact, and restaurants especially need to suck less and do better to accommodate us non-egg people.

Christmas music: Bah! Humbug!

There are twelve days of Christmas… and none of them are in November.  *sigh*  But nevertheless, it’s that time of year, again. It’s… Christmas time!!! <He said in a chirpy and perky tone of voice.> Yes, that’s me, Mr Perky. Cute and cuddly til the end. So let Mr Perky say this about that…

Bah! Humbug! Humbug to all of you!

Today marks the official, and only marginally acceptable, start of the Christmas season, and with that comes the Christmas music. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like watching little kids get excited about it, and I like the photo gear presents I buy for myself, but the music… ugh! I don’t know what is worse, the peppy tunes, the inspirational new-age stuff, or the insipid traditional crap that no emotionally stable person has ever liked.  Just shoot me now.

Who writes this garbage? Better yet, who listens to it? Some people do, obviously, but I seriously wonder about them. Then there’s the people who listen to it all… day… long… for days… weeks… on end. No, just no, Bad little elf! That’s wrong. The Geneva Convention outlawed this decades ago. You can’t subject people around you to this… this  flat, uninteresting, lackluster, dull, drab, boring, dry, humdrum, ho-hum, monochrome, plodding tedious, pedestrian, trite, tired, hackneyed, stale, lame, wishy-washy, colorless, anemic, lifeless music.  Seriously, it’s inhumane. I’d rather take a calculus test than this. At least the calculus test will end soon. It’s so bad, that given the choice, prisoners in Guantanamo chose waterboarding over non-stop Christmas music.

December 26th never looked so good.

But even I have a soft side, so it’s confession time: In every steaming pile of dog dung in December, there’s a little shiny nugget. I do have a Christmas CD. I am the proud owner of Twisted Sister’s A Twisted Christmas. Not bad.  In fact, so good, they never felt the need to record and release another studio album.  Quit while you’re ahead, baby!

Price Dickering: Strategies and Games

I don’t sell vehicles very often, but when I do many people employ a tactic that just pisses me off and puts me in the wrong frame of mind (regarding that person) right from the start. I will state a price, and at the very beginning, sometimes before they’ve even seen the vehicle, they will ask some variation of, “What’s the lowest price you’ll take?”

😐

Excuse me, but you want me to give up everything, all leverage, right off the bat? Seriously? No. Either play the game, or go away. The game is negotiation back and forth. And the game goes like is: I set a price –> if you think my price is too high, make an offer of a lower price –> if that lower price is acceptable to me (I usually do have a bottom dollar in mind, but that’s not the point here) I will take it, if it’s not I will either counter with another price, or I will simply reject it. And back on forth until we either agree on a price, or we agree to not deal at all.

This has happened several times in my life.  Maybe they’re hoping I’m selling because I’m desperate and they can get a proverbial ‘steal’ of a deal. Maybe they’re hoping I’m weak and so non-confrontational that I’ll cave without a fight. Maybe they’re just fishing for that ‘steal’ from their recliner and don’t want to go out if this isn’t it. Could be any reason. In most things I am not a very good negotiator, but this tactic in particular sets me off and my attitude hardens immediately. My eyes narrow to slits, and I get this “Don’t eff with me!” look and determination. Now, you are the enemy, and while I will still sell you my vehicle, I am also willing to sit on it for awhile and sell it to someone else if you’re not willing to show me some base level of respect and properly negotiate.

In my experience I find that it is older men that do this. I have never encountered a woman that does, and I do not recall ever encountering a younger man doing this. Always older men, my generation and above. Maybe it’s a generational thing. <shrug>

This morning I get a bite to a Craigslist ad for a vehicle I am selling. The guy has two questions, condition and what the lowest I’ll take. Ok, I described condition in the ad, but I repeated it. Then price. I told him I don’t do the lowest price thing. If he’s interested he needs to make a counter offer, and so on as described above. I may never hear back from him. I’m ok either way.

Part 2, the other annoyance (I always seem to have a part 2, don’t I?)…

Another game I will not tolerate: Don’t show up to purchase something, say a vehicle that I have a listed price of $3000, and say, “Will you take $2200? That’s all I have on me.”

That’s all you have on you. 😐 Right. Ahem. Ok. I very clearly listed a price, and you knowingly and purposely showed up with less. (Allegedly, but we’ll go with the words at face value, I’m not going to ask to search your pockets.) At this point, I despise you. You’re not simply an annoying cheap SOB like the guy above asking for a bottom dollar, you’re outright dishonest in your approach. If you do that to me, I will give you two options… I will give you directions to an appropriate bank/ATM so you can get more money, or I will give you directions off my property.

Part 3, But wait, there’s more!

And don’t get me started with the schmucks who want to pay via Paypal or cashier’s check (and sometimes overpay and want you to refund the difference in cash) and have their ‘agent’ or shipper pick it up. Scam alert! (Hmmm, sounds like another curmudgeonly blog post for later.)

The bite mentioned above did email back as I was writing this. He thinks I’m honest and will pay me what I ask… via PayPal and he will send a shipper to pick up the vehicle. *facepalm* Now I’m playing with him a bit. I responded that my ad clearly says cash only, and that I will not hold it, but if his shipper shows up with cash, I will sell it to him. If someone else flashes me the cash first, tough luck.

I won’t hold my breath.

Tipping: Part 1

…of 193, probably. Ugh! This is going to be quite the series. LOL! I have strong opinions on tipping. Yer shocked, nay, dismayed, I can tell… that I have strong feelings about something.

TIPS: To Insure Prompt Service. Phfft!  Yeah, ok, whatever, I’ve never believed that is the actual origin.

Now, don’t get me wrong. For true service, and good service, I am good with tipping. Many people hear my thoughts on tipping and think I’m a spendthrift and a curmudgeon… wherever would they get that idea???, I mean really!… but I actually tip well. I’m usually in the 20-23% category, sometimes higher, and my wife can back me up on this. I even usually sometimes tip more than they actually deserve when they provide lousy service, I’m still around 15% even for that (though I know I shouldn’t). So what do I kvetch about? Let me tell ya…

1. Entitlement Mentality: This is probably my biggest pet peeve regarding tipping, the entitlement mentality that has developed. It’s no longer an appreciated gift for having done a good job or providing a worthy service, it has evolved to become an expectation and if you don’t live up to their unknown and possibly unreasonable expectation you are treated as a pariah. Scorned and scowled at if you ever go back and they remember you. Simply for not lavishing them with the remnants of your bank account.

The entitlement mentality goes both ways, from some servers and from some businesses. They’re taking advantage of people and getting what is virtually free labor because the state allows them to get away with it.

As things generally go, this entitlement mentality has expanded to other professions that might not deserve a tip. Everyone seems to think they’re special. Which leads us to…

2. Who gets a tip?: Tied to the entitlement mentality, which professions should get a tip? A server in a sit-down restaurant? Sure. They’re running around basically catering to your whims. They are your servant for the moment. Regardless their hourly wage, that’s worth something. Don’t be a tightfisted chump, treat them well. We’ll get into wages in a future installment, but they often are legally paid less than minimum wage (in most states), and that is and should be a factor, but just one factor of many.

How about the person who cuts your hair? Should they get a tip? Yes? Why? I say ‘no’. I do tip, albeit because of the societal guilt trip involved with not tipping, but I shouldn’t have to. I go to independent barbers. They state their price on the wall. End result, they are paid in full, and set their own price based on what they feel their service is worth. That’s fine. But it’s also somewhat dishonest. They know most people will throw in some extra. I say if you want or need more money, then raise your price. I’m still going to pay it, but it will save me the bother of having to wonder if I gave too much or too little. Yeah yeah yeah, you can say that you aren’t forced to tip, no one’s holding a gun to your head, blah blah blah. Societal guilt tripping and peer pressure is powerful, and that’s a fact. A set price would actually be more respectful to both parties.

How about “servers” at buffets and picking up ‘to go’ orders? I say ‘no’. A case could be made for a ‘to go’ order, and it’s true they may get paid less than minimum wage, and there is some effort involved in putting the order together, but it’s far less than table service. As such, a smaller tip would be appropriate, maybe 10%.

Having said that, with a buffet I’m literally serving myself… and isn’t that the point of a buffet… variety and that I serve myself? <shrug> They might get drinks and clean the table afterward (or they might not looking at a local buffet I frequent [they do have good food and they’re cheap]), but that is small compared to literal table service. No, if I’m doing virtually all my own work, the person standing in the corner watching me eat is not deserving of a tip.

The way we’re going, I fully expect bridge toll takers to start getting tips any day now. <insert eye roll here>

Conclusion: So that’s it. That’s the end of Part 1. Future installments will include (in no particular order)… tip jars & counter service, tip sharing, wages & laws, the amount of the tip, the effort put forth, people who don’t tip and/or are rude to the servers, and more. Stay tuned. 🙂

I’m just going to the store…

I find this photo ironic, because sometimes police are the worst panhandlers.

…don’t accost me on my way in and out begging for money.  (Sometimes you do get hit up in both directions, too.)  And really, that’s what is going on, begging for money.  Same goes for at the register, btw.  Doesn’t matter if a product is being sold or a good cause is being promoted.  It’s still confronting people to pressure them into buying a product they didn’t come out for.  Sort of an emotional public intimidation.  But what it really is is begging.

I’m just going to the store, leave me alone.

I’m not talking traditional panhandling.  You know, the people at the side of the road with cardboard signs.  That’s bad enough.  But that’s easy to take care of… just swing your car as if you’re going to run them over and watch them scurry for safety.  LOL!!!  Oh, fun times.  😛  But I digress.

Warning, mini-rant:  I especially hate it when panhandlers use their kids.  That makes me angry.  /mini-rant off

Anyway, Little League, school clubs, Scouts, various charities and so on, all selling their various goodies and wares by placing themselves at an unavoidable place of a store entrance.  It doesn’t really matter what the cause it, I didn’t leave home to seek you out, you placed yourself in my path seeking money.  That’s a form of begging.

The worst, IMO, is the fire fighter “boot drives”, where fire fighters (and sometimes police) station themselves at busy intersections and walk up and down the stopped vehicles holding their boots out for people to toss money in.  Let’s be real, that’s intimidating to the average person, and they know it.  It’s a form of bullying, an emotional strong-arm tactic, regardless the intent or who is doing it.  Bottom line:  it’s no less panhandling than what traditional panhandlers do.  No way around it.

I don’t appreciate being put in the position of being the “bad guy” who didn’t donate to the cause, or didn’t buy the requisite amount of cookies, or whatever, in full view of everyone and being labeled “that guy” when I may have a perfectly good reason to not participate.  Maybe I give elsewhere.  Maybe I have other causes near and dear to my heart, and limited resources, so I have to pick and choose accordingly.  Public coercion doesn’t allow for that, though.  You still get unfairly labeled.

Then again, maybe I should embrace being “that guy”.  I am a curmudgeon, after all.

Condolences

One of the worst feelings in the world is for something tragic to happen and for you to have nothing to say.  You know that no matter what you say it won’t make them feel better, but you feel the need to say something anyway, as saying nothing will be perceived negatively, too.  Yes, like I alluded to before, you feel helpless in your inability to help.

But don’t you fear.  There are time tested solutions to this quandary.  There are things you can do that are sure-fire guaranteed to not only help, but put the grieving person in a warn-and-fuzzy mood, if not a fit of belly-laughter rolling on the floor.

And what are those things, you might ask?  (Yes, I’m dragging this out… you’d think I’m getting paid by the word.)  Well, I’m going to tell you.  Here they are.  Ready?  I even offer my own sage advice at the end.  I should charge for this, it’s gold!  Here we go…

Prayers:  “I’ll say a prayer.”, “I’m sending prayers your way.”, “You’re in my prayers.”, and so on.  Obviously, this is from the religious, and one would hope for the religious, but then religious people often subconsciously believe they can save the world with their hope and kindness, don’t they?  I’ve always wondered, what do non-religious people think when offered prayers?  I’m pretty sure most roll their eyes and say nothing, maybe offer back a weak smile of acceptance.  Bringing this scenario along to it’s next logical step… what do non-religious people offer to others?  The answer is obvious, of course, they offer the vaunted…

“Good Vibes”:  “I’m sending good vibes your way.”, and other such thoughts.  These phrases are usually uttered in lieu of prayer by non-religious people, and I’m sure they mean well, but do they actually think it’s meaningful?  Think about this for a moment.  If they reject prayers, even though prayers ostensibly are backed by a supreme being who can literally smite the earth without a moment’s notice, then what the hell are “good vibes” good for?  I mean, really.  Do you really think things will go well for the other person simply because YOU wished it?

So, what do you do for the person for whom neither of these would be appropriate?  The answer is so blindingly obvious that I’m sure you saw it coming before you got this far.  You offer them your…

Thoughts and Prayers:  “Our thoughts and prayers are with you.”  Yeah, thanks for nothing.  Aside from being the preferred political alternative… which alone should make us wary of it… this is the double-whammy.  You get both, prayers and vibes, divine intervention AND the personal Jedi-like assistance of the well-wisher.  How can you go wrong with that?

To sum up, instead of all this meaningless crap that you don’t really mean anyway… c’mon, we all know you are secretly hoping they will never ever call on you to help them like you offered… say this instead and the world will be a better and more honest place…

“Suck it up, Buttercup.”, and walk away.

 

 

Do you want fries with that?

“Do you want fries with that?”

<blank stare>

“Did I say I wanted fries?  No.”

Do I actually say that?  No.  Not anymore.  Contrary to popular belief, and contrary to standard curmudgeonly customs and expectations, I have gained some sense of couth and social refinement over the years.  Now, I will admit that I want to say that every single time, but I never do.  I mean, that would be rude, right?

Besides, I don’t want anyone spitting in my food.  Practical considerations, ya know.

Yeah yeah yeah, it’s called ‘suggestive selling’, or ‘upselling’, and employees are told to do it because it’s quite effective.  I have read many sources who claim corporations make boatloads of extra money just by adding an extra item here and there.  It boggles my brain cells that so many people fall for it.  Yet, in the interest of full honesty, I cannot claim that I have never fallen for it.  Every now and then, rarely, even though I know what they’re doing, they will suggest something that appeals to my weaknesses and I will succumb.  As a general rule, however, even if it sounds good, and even if I want what they are suggesting, I will politely decline just as a matter of principle.  I have been known to decline even though I was just about to order what they suggested.  I’m kind of stubborn that way.  I’ll show ’em!

Coming into the adult world, I love a good margarita.  Must be frozen/blended.  I call them “Adult Slurpees”, and I am a sucker for a good Slurpee, with or without tequila.  When I order one, though, they usually try to upsell me to a higher grade tequila.  I have been known to respond, “I’m not sophisticated enough to know the difference, so no thank you.”

I always get an annoyed stare in return.  They never laugh.  <shrug>  Plus, after two I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, anyway, so no, I’m not paying the extra money for a higher-end tequila.

I’m kind of stubborn that way.