Bacon.
That goes without saying. Oh, and being a jerk. Yes, that’s right, be a jerk. In a curmudgeonly way, of course. That’s the secret.
You hear about people who live to be 104 and they credit a whiskey a day, biscuits and gravy, smoking, nitrate-laden meats, and on and on. All that is just coincidence. The part that no one talks about is that all these people were jerks. Mean, nasty, stubborn, difficult, obstinate… jerks. Allow me to present my case…
I watch a lot of true crime documentaries. Shows like Forensic Files,etc. I find them fascinating. Quite often a murder victim is a young person. Usually a girl, but not always. And the one thing they ALL seem to have in common is that they were such sweet great wonderful people. I’ve lost count at how many of these people would “light up a room” as soon as they walked in, how they all were “full of life”, and “had the world by the tail”.
Really? Maybe this is why the world is so screwed up. All the good people die young. Perkiness attracts bad people, apparently. Bad people leave other bad people alone. There must be no satisfaction in harming another person like yourself.
So that’s it. Be a jerk and you’ll live to over a hundred years. I rest my case.
p.s.: I wonder if having crass and insensitive taste adds a few years?
I prefer to die young then change to being a jerk. I guess you will live longer then me! 😉
Only the good die young is what I have heard. Guess that is true then!