Category: Theories

Dogs: What’s in it for us?

b to f: Wesley, Roscoe, & Farley

Oh noes, The Grump as a soft side!  *gasp*  Horrors.  *sigh*  That soft side is dogs, and at the risk of outing himself, the Grump will be randomly pondering things about the love and bond between dogs and people.  Put yer seat belts on!

It seems like a totally one-way relationship, doesn’t it?

Think about it.  You feed your dog, they don’t feed you.  You brush your dog, they don’t brush you.  You pet your dog and rub their belly, they don’t pet you and they certainly don’t rub your belly.  If you’re sick you take them to the vet and make sure you get better… though I have had dogs that would lay next to me to comfort me if I’m sick even though they couldn’t do anything else.

Yet people love their dogs!

And that last part is what I’m getting at.  It’s more of a two-way street than is obvious on surface observation.  Dogs just make us feel good.  But how do they do that?  Well…

  1. When you come home after a long day at work your dog will try to break down all barriers to see you.  They’re sooooo happy to see you.  You won’t get that kind on outward unbridled excitement from any human.  The cat, meanwhile, is plotting your demise… as soon as it can figure out a continuing food supply.
  2. As mentioned above, if you’re in bed with the flu, your dog will lay by your side to comfort you.  There’s nothing they can physically do for you, but they can stay with you so you’re not alone.
  3. Dogs are fiercely loyal, even when they shouldn’t be.  But if you love them and treat them right you truly have a best friend.
  4. Last, let’s say you’re laying on the bed and you’re doing what I call “servicing” your dog, meaning you’re scratching their ear and head, petting them, rubbing their belly, and all that good stuff they never seem to tire of.  While you’re doing all this you can FEEL their love radiating back into you.  That’s powerful.

Now, I have no scientific evidence for all this, but I believe it to be true, and it makes it all worthwhile.

By Observations, TheoriesOne Comment

“Internet Disease”: Lying for Reasons Unknown

Half the people on the internet are lying at any given moment. I am convinced of this, based on observations and correlations over many years. Now, I don’t know which half, and it’s probably safe to say that the lying half fluctuates from topic to topic, in other words it’s not always the same people, but the ratio still remains at roughly half being liars.

And what they lie about is stuff that is so inconsequential that it doesn’t matter. Nothing in the world will change based on their lie. It’s all to boost their ego, or save face so others won’t think lowly of them (which might suggest low-self-esteem, but that’s another topic for another post… and blog).

I have named this phenomena “Internet Disease”. Let’s take a look at some examples, shall we? If one were to believe everyone on the internet at face value…

-…McDonald’s would be out of business, because no one ever eats there. The food sucks, they say. Many question if it’s food at all. The old, long debunked, rumors… what’s in the meat, etc… keep getting spread around as if they’re true. I think many people want to believe they are.

-…Walmart would be out of business, too, because no one would ever be caught dead in that place. They don’t come right out and say it, but the class of people who do shop at Walmart… which apparently don’t have internet because we never hear from ‘those people’… are literally beneath them. The funny part is that many of these people readily admit that they shop at Target… which is just Walmart with a different color scheme and slightly higher prices.  Status costs extra, ya know.

-…the BBC would be the only news source for the entire world. The rest would be out of business due to lack of viewers, readers, and listeners. Ask people on the internet and the standard answer is the BBC. Maybe a few stragglers will admit to NPR, if American guilt hasn’t completely consumed them, but it’s clear that all the informed people use the BBC, and they want you to know it.

-…chain restaurants, in general, are always empty, bereft of customers. Chain food is unworthy. Really, restaurant food, in general, is questionable, and is to be consumed only in dire emergency, but if one must eat out then the obvious choice is the “mom-and-pop” restaurant. <cue harps from heaven> Mom-and-Pops are full of people. Which I guess explains why mom-and-pops are thriving and chains are closing and going the way of the Automat. Oh, wait…

-…relating to the last point, no, we all eat at home almost exclusively. Why? Because we all have all the time in the world and use only the finest ingredients. A regular Galloping Gourmet we all are.  Margarine? Pshaw! Surely you jest, only real butter. Preferably hand-churned by silk-haired virgins who were sacrificed to a volcano immediately after to preserve the uniqueness of this butter. And only the best olive oil is used, pressed between the bosoms of lusty Italian widows. And we all have a special butcher who saves all the best cuts just for us, and will even deliver on Christmas morning if we get a hankerin’ for some extra-lean goat brains. We also have Juan Valdez climbing the peaks of Colombia on his hands and knees to pick coffee beans with his teeth so they can be shipped fresh to our door every morning. That’s right, we will tolerate only the best!

Now, granted, some people do do some of these things, but I call BS that all that claim to do so actually do do so.  (Was that awkward wording, or what?  lol)  And in the interest of full disclosure, I even have my things. For example, we recently stopped buying margarine entirely and now use only real butter, but we buy it from Walmart… and the Walmart house brand, no less. I often seek out mom-and-pop restaurants when I’m traveling, as sometimes you discover some truly great food and you experience the local culture, but there are times that I crave a Denny’s or a Wendy’s hamburger, as well. There’s nothing wrong with any of that.

To paraphrase Dave Ramsey, “We go to great lengths to claim an air of sophistication we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” The whole thing is absurd.

By Annoyances, Observations, Theories2 Comments