October 2019 – The Grump

The Grump has become downright chatty in social situations. *gasp!* I know, right? He talks to people in public. Willingly. He makes idle chitchat with complete strangers. In line at the grocery store, in an aisle when we’re both scanning the shelves, even in public restrooms. (Yes, it’s become that bad.) He… initiates the conversation.

Sometimes people join in the conversation… this IS Iowa, after all, not California… and sometimes people who aren’t as jovial and friendly as The Grump look at him like he has two heads. When The Grump lived in California, in a past life, this response was not only acceptable, but preferred. People were rude. It just was. The Grump fit right in. Oh, there was the occasional person who suffered from “Dawn Syndrome” (inside joke for about three people) and who would always smile and try to start conversations with strangers, but those people were always and properly dissuaded from doing so simply by the surly responses they’d get from their intended targets. This is the environment where The Grump was raised, and in that sense The Grump flourished.

Then The Grump moved to Iowa. He’d be in line at the grocery store and people would openly talk to him and try to start conversation. People who didn’t know The Grump, they’d just… smile and talk as if we had been friends for decades. Initially, The Grump’s reaction was something like in this photo. (That’s Tim Curry, btw, an awesome actor. Not just as Frank-N-Furter, but check him out as Winston Newquay on Wiseguy. Awesome story arc.) Utter disbelief. Why are you talking to me? Turn around and mind your own business. Go away. Leave me alone.

Then The Grump joined Toastmasters roughly eleven years ago. The Grump met people. Good people. Friendly people. People he’d run into in the store and who were actually happy to see The Grump. Whoa, this was new. Toastmasters, without knowing it, taught The Grump how to be sociable, how to talk and have a conversation. Even “small talk”, which is more important that people think. And this eventually evolved to The Grump taking the first step and starting the conversation. Where did this come from?

Of course, the downside to knowing people is that one has to behave while in public. No more can The Grump ram carts in the grocery store. No more can The Grump give Iowa drivers the bird for being idiot drivers, even if they do deserve it. It might actually be someone The Grump actually knows, and that would be awkward.

Fast forward to 2019 and The Grump has become one of “Them”. A Chatty Cathy, a talker. The Grump has become Dawn.

This is unacceptable. The Grump must purge himself of these disgustingly social tendencies and become grumpy in public again. Yes, we do know that The Grump is an ultra sweetie guy, but we still have a reputation to uphold, ya know.

…or laws, whatever.

1. Structures and streets should never be named after a living person.

2. Per #1, similar to the baseball Hall of Fame, there must be a minimum 5 year waiting period after death before a street or structure can be named for a person.

3. Per #2, do your due diligence in that 5 years. Once a street or a structure is named, it cannot be rescinded, for any reason.

4. Streets = last name only. Structures can be first and last name.

5. Paper bags are perfectly fine materials for covering school books.

6. For subjects that almost never change, i.e. math, school textbooks, once chosen by a school, should be valid for a minimum of ten years.

7. Unless they are providing it for free, a teacher should be prohibited from requiring any book in which they have a financial stake.

8. College costs should be quoted in one lump sum, per credit. Not per credit, then a myriad of vague fees that equal another credit.

9. A traffic fine should be all-inclusive. If the fine is $250, you pay $250. No fees or costs. If the government wants $375, then make the fine $375.

10. Surgeries in hospitals should be one blanket cost, everything (reasonably foreseeable) in one bill, and quoted in writing beforehand whenever possible.

11. All corporate and government websites should provide a phone number, an email address, and a snail mail address for people to contact them in a reasonable manner.

12. All websites and software programs should include a “No, leave me alone!” option instead of a “Remind me later” option when it comes to updating, etc.

13. If it’s chosen to be displayed publicly, then there should be no image copyright. I.e., the lights on the Eiffel Tower… they knowingly and intentionally put them out for public display, no copyright.

14. No dealer stickers on cars.

15. Software operating systems should never expire. If I like Windows XT, I should get to keep my Windows XT.

16. Doctors and medical facilities should be prohibited from charging insurance companies and individuals different prices. Post a single price for everybody.

17. If a doctor says I need X prescription, I get X prescription. No overruling from the insurance company, unless they are willing to send their own doctor at their own expense to evaluate me as thoroughly as my doctor evaluated me. And then, said insurance company doctor becomes part of my “team”, and I can continue to contact them when necessary.

18. Charging for any type of overhead should be forbidden. I.e. charging for “shop supplies” at a tire shop. No, paper towels and hand cleaner are overhead. Deal with it. (I asked at my tire shop once. The guy got a “deer in the headlights” look and couldn’t come up with an answer.)

19. Re #11 above… When you do contact one of these entities, they should be required to respond with a complete thoughtful answer, and the name and contact information of the person who answered, within three business days.

20. Soda and ice tea prices should be required on restaurant menus.

That’s a start. Are there any you’d like to add?

Month: October 2019

The Grump Blames Toastmasters

Society needs more rules…