{"id":541,"date":"2018-10-23T22:26:13","date_gmt":"2018-10-24T03:26:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/?p=541"},"modified":"2018-10-23T22:26:53","modified_gmt":"2018-10-24T03:26:53","slug":"three-superpowers-i-need","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/2018\/10\/23\/three-superpowers-i-need\/","title":{"rendered":"Three Superpowers I Need"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Life would be enhanced if I could have superpowers.\u00a0 We all want superpowers, don’t we?\u00a0 I mean, who wouldn’t?\u00a0 My life would be greatly enhanced with superpowers.\u00a0 Now, I could go for things like enact world peace, or cure cancer, or some other selfless act, but where’s the fun in that?\u00a0 No, I want “revenge superpowers”.<\/p>\n

This does preclude something like the ability to see through clothing.\u00a0 I think Superman had that one, but I forget.\u00a0 That has a certain… provocative allure to it.\u00a0 There would be downsides, though.\u00a0 You’d have to be able to pick and choose whose clothes you were ignoring.\u00a0 Don’t want to see just anybody.\u00a0 Plus, looking through clothing you wouldn’t be seeing people in their perfection.\u00a0 The clothes would still be there, so you’d be seeing their body all stuffed in and wrinkled and unnaturally pushed here and there, not unlike a homemade sausage.\u00a0 And do you really want to see the entire muffin along with the muffin top?\u00a0 I’m sorry, but that doesn’t sound as appealing as one might think.<\/p>\n

Presuming the genie would give me only three superpowers, here’s what I’d choose…<\/p>\n

The ability to have the entire road pull over to the side while I drive where I want to, unhindered.<\/strong>\u00a0 Readers of The Grump know that other drivers is a pet-peeve of mine.\u00a0 This is numero uno.\u00a0 People just need to get out of my way.\u00a0 This includes police and ambulances and fire trucks.\u00a0 Now, in my own magnanimous way, my superpower would include the ability to heal whoever is being transported by the ambulance, or reverse the fire the fire truck is going to.\u00a0 The Grump just wants people out of his way, he doesn’t want to be a jerk about it.<\/p>\n

The ability to disable all cell phones within a 150 foot radius of me at concerts.<\/strong>\u00a0 The Grumpess and I went to see Alice Cooper<\/a> a couple nights ago.\u00a0 Truly an awesome show.\u00a0 We had great seats.\u00a0 The man may be 70 years old, but he can still bring it!\u00a0 He even played one of my favorite songs from a semi-obscure album from 1980 that he hadn’t played live since 1982 until this leg of this tour.\u00a0 It was a perfect night… except for the lady in front of me that kept raising her phone in the air, in my direct line of sight, throughout the show.\u00a0 And for what, some crappy photos and videos that she will probably forget about after next week.\u00a0 It was rude!\u00a0 I was tempted to knock on her head and tell her to stop, but an arrest for starting a riot wasn’t exactly in The Grump’s best interests.\u00a0 So now, I want the ability to disable ALL cell phones around me so that I can enjoy the show.\u00a0 I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all.<\/p>\n

The ability to remember where I put my keys, and my wallet, and my glasses… all the time.<\/strong>\u00a0 For anyone who is getting up there in age, this is self-explanatory.\u00a0 What’s that you say?\u00a0 I should just designate a place and always put them there?\u00a0 Bless yer heart.<\/p>\n

There ya go.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Life would be enhanced if I could have superpowers.\u00a0 We all want superpowers, don’t we?\u00a0 I mean, who wouldn’t?\u00a0 My life would be greatly enhanced with superpowers.\u00a0 Now, I could go for things like enact world peace, or cure cancer, or some other selfless act, but where’s the fun in that?\u00a0 No, I want “revenge […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,8,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-541","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-annoyances","category-driving","category-pet-peeve"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/541","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=541"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/541\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":552,"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/541\/revisions\/552"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=541"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=541"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kurmudgeon.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=541"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}