Yes, this one’s going to be a multi-parter. Shoot, might end up a series. There’s a lot to be said on this topic and I have only limited space… and limited attention span. Now, I am a native Californian, born and raised and lived most of my life in California, and driving-wise I fit right in when I lived there. Add to that some German Autobahn experience and I do feel that my driving abilities and skills are above average, albeit admittedly aggressive. California and Californians have many flaws, but we know how to drive. Now, don’t get me wrong, in so many ways Iowans are nicer and more pleasurable to hang with, they’re all-around good people, and I love Iowans to the ends of the Earth, but let’s be fully honest here… you people (Iowans) simply suck at driving!
I almost break down into a full belly laugh when I hear an Iowan complain about how bad Iowa drivers are. Seriously? I’m sure they mean other Iowa drivers, of course. What I want to know is: Has this person never been outside the state? You have no idea what lies outside the borders of your fine state. Iowa drivers are tame, timid, meek. Whenever I see an aggressive Iowa driver I presume they’re like me, a transplant. Otherwise, I feel like I’m on the road with a bunch of Mr Rogerses and Mary Poppinses <gollum>. Let’s just put it this way… “Iowa nice” and 4-way stop intersections don’t mix.
Today is a good example. While driving home from work I managed to get behind no less than five people… count ’em, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… who, while making a right turn into a parking lot, felt the need to come to an almost complete stop in the middle of the traffic lane before making their turn. What the hell, people?!? It’s maddening. Those of you who have never been here won’t understand. Those of you who are transplants are nodding your head and are as annoyed as I am. Those of you who are from here probably think, “Yeah, so? I’m being safe. I don’t want my car to roll over.” Dude, it’s not a tractor. <insert eye roll here>
To make it worse, Iowans drive their shopping carts the same way they drive their cars. So there they are, tooling down the aisle, they see something they want, so they wander off and LEAVE THE CART IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE!!! And it’s not like this is a rare few doing this. You’d think they are completely unaware that there are other people behind them who want to get somewhere. (What a concept!) And no, this is a common occurrence, as if it’s an embedded mindset, genes in the corn, or something. Tra-la-la. I’m the only one here… on the road… in the market… it’s just me.
C’mon people, clear the fog of blindness from your eyes and get on the stick and get out of the way.