It Tastes Just Like…

Stop!  Halt!  Cease and desist!

No, it doesn’t. It’s bad enough that you’re lying to me, though I know better so it’s a hollow claim, but it’s sad that you’re lying to yourself. Is that what you really need to do to get yourself to choke down that healthy replacement of the real thing? I mean, c’mon, even dogs aren’t interested, and they eat cat poop.

  • Margarine is not butter, and the two don’t taste remotely the same. “I can’t believe it’s not butter”, my arse!  They should be jailed for false advertising.
  • Mashed cauliflower is not the same as mashed potatoes. To suggest so is an affront to all that is pure and holy.
  • Tofu. Oh yay… tofu. 😐  But but but… it takes on the taste of whatever you cook it with. Oh, goodie, I have to add bacon and butter to get it to taste like bacon and butter. And let’s not even start about the lack of consistency. Bleh!

Now, it may taste good. That’s fine. That’s totally acceptable and believable. Just don’t insult me by claiming it tastes “just like” the real version, the version that even you know you prefer better, because if you didn’t think the original was better you wouldn’t be trying so hard to replicate it. If you have to “doctor it up” to get it to taste the same… which is impossible, but for the sake of conversation we’ll go with it… then you’re only kidding yourself. You can put a Mercedes emblem on a Yugo and it’s still a Yugo. Just suck it up and say it tastes good and leave it at that.

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